Until today I just couldn't say anything anymore. My heart just felt too much pain and I'm trying to figure out the way to heal it. The thing is. Everytime I try to befriends, give chances, open up my heart, be nice, with people, I'm always the one who end up getting hurt. That's just too nasty man. I don't know why is it really necessary for some people to take all the advantage from me and take me down all the way till I felt hurt so bad.
It's been five years now and I'm still single and available and not even one man that I've met could really make me smile and just be happy for being me. I know I'm not a perfect Malibu barbie, neither a perfect Muslimah like Felixia Yeop. But why can't there be one man at least, can accept me just by seeing me through. I'm opened up to show my true colors. From best to worst, and ya know what, all guys just the same. They fallen for me so much easily when they saw my FB profile picture, get to know me, thought I'm amazing and stuff, and when I meet them, they tend to like....making so much excuses and simply disappeared. I think my game has totally proven that there is nobody who can really accept me flaws and all. By words definitely, but not by actions. Such a drama isn't it?
It's not that I'm being a playgirl or something...It's just that... Everytime I go out on a first date with a guy, I tend to dress up sloppy, well not sloppy, just dress up casually as such a t-shirt, jeans and Converse snickers instead of wearing dresses like I really am on a first date, and just be as spontaneous as I can. I did this because i don't want to waste my time and emotions for another heartbreak moment just by finding out that the person I'm in love with is totally fake. After all, there used to be too many guys who adored me and wanted to date with me because I'm a 'hot stuff' but they weren't sincere enough. So I tend to change my game so that in a way, I could figure out which guy is Mr. Drama, Mr. Perfectionist, Mr. Plastic, Mr. Empty-Polo, Mr. Gold Digger and just so many pathetic species. And based on my experiments, guys are great actors, yet just so boring. And the null hypothesis is accepted.
It's always been the same cycle. They get too excited, and they thought that you're gorgeous and amazing, and by the time you meet them, they get turned off just by the way you look. You're right sis. There could be only one guy who is worth enough to be with me. Just one guy and one man and only he deserves to be with me. The rest? Nu-uh. Totally not. But I haven't find the person yet. And sometimes I'm afraid if actually he doesn't exists. But I never lost hope. Even my bestfriend once said, "the sweet moment will always come later than you thought. It just need patience."... And my mom said, "The more you become patient, the closer you are to meet the best."....And my foster sister also said, "you will meet a lot of wrong guys before you get to meet the right one."
This is so mysterious and unique. But for the time being, all I'm feeling right now is just to be ALONE in my own world, focusing on my dreams and yeah. I think that's the best way to make me feel happy. Because I'm doing it all for myself. Not for others. Nu-uh. Not at all. So for any girls out there, whenever you feel like a loser or maybe lonely just because you don't have a lover, just think that you're super PHAB (pretty, hot and brainy), ambitious, and a superwoman who loves to spread love to the world and make the whole world smile. You're just too busy working out to be the best so that you can meet a person of your worth, and you're like the highest apple on a tree where not everybody could easily get. BUT there would be only ONE hero who would work his ass off like hell and could make it to grab you and set you free. No rush, honey. Just enjoy your life, enjoy being single. Grab a pen and paper now, and figure out what do you really really want in your life. Just whatever you wish. Put them on your list, and keep them. So that whenever you feel any negative emotions down your throat, you just refer back to the list and by that, I'm sure you gonna smile again and start to step up and continue your journey. Just don't stop believing. ;)
#LIVE LIFE COOL
