I was surrounded by bottles of alcohol...when I was feeling empty. I stared at the people on the dance floor. Still I feel nothing. My soul just wasn't there. Like... I feel like I'm just a floating body waiting to do something, like I don't know what. So I tried to dance... I danced. And I feel nothing. So I tried to talk with a few guys... I talked. Still I feel empty. Like something is missing. I grabbed a bottle of Ruby Red, popped up the lid cock and smelled...well, it smelled like an alcohol that you can find in the laboratory. I opened up another bottle of white wine and smelled...well, it was just a single malt so it smelled like a common wine. So yeah... Everything was there. It should have been fun. But I felt empty.
Why? Why? I should have enjoyed the party and yet I felt empty. My heart was like crawling unto something but it felt like it is hard to reach. Oh. I stumbled on my knees and suddenly I cried. trying to figure what exactly I'm trying to reach.
Just recently, I've found myself wasn't myself anymore. I don't know why. I just... wasn't myself. I've lost something in me. have I traveled to far? have I gone too far? How can I find my way home? I've become too soft a tender. I'm feeling so different this time. Am I missing something? I don't know what to say. All I can do is just pray to Allah that he would always protect me and keep me under His 'arms'.
Drink. Smoke. Guys. Drugs. All of that... Just doesn't work anymore. I just don't feel happy. Everyday I pray so that Allah would send me a person to hold my hand and take me back to Him. I'm helplessly in need. Someone who could understand me, accept me flaws and all, cherish me, make me feel secure, bring me a true happiness, bring me closer to Him, love me more than I love myself. Just... love me more... love me more... cherish me... love me more.... If ever loving me would be a sin then please, let me die. Coz' this world is so mean and I just can't take it anymore...
