Sometimes life gets hard and all I know is to be strong and strive through it with patience and faith. True that I'm a rebellious person. Only when people are trying to control me and tell me what to do especially when it involves in making my own decision in my life. But when people hurt me, betray me, do bad things to me... I don't know how to react and teach them a lesson not to mess with me. I simply let myself hurt and when I can no longer bear with the pain, I simply walk off. That's why my sister always said that I'm weak. Because I don't know how to back myself up. And that's why people tend to hurt me over and over again.
But the thing is, it's not that I'm letting it be that way. It's that I keep pursuing myself to become positive and try to settle down in a good way. But then, it always turn out that people tend to be more harsh and keep doing the same thing and hurt me. And meanwhile, I keep willingly to accept them hurting me redundantly.
That's why most of the time I prefer to be alone. Mostly I prefer to mingle with nature because they always give me this kind of pure feeling that can make me smile sincerely, happy infinitely and love unconditionally. It felt way different when I'm among humans. I always feel insecure somehow. Feels like I'll get hurt at anytime and that I have to be ready to protect myself. Like a knight in shining armor being so particular about his surroundings. it is..
When I get to see the world in many ways, I see that the earth is getting 'dark'. It cost me a lot of disappointment to see how the human treat the world. How the human treat each other. Rapes, murders, slaughters, bribers, wars, what else? insulting religions. Everything just going upside down. Homosexuals... All them negative things are overwhelming and destroying the latest generation of our mankind.
I used to LOVE to read News Straits Times. Besides enhancing my English, their news are very well-updated and knowledgeable. But each day when I buy the newspaper, I feel like there is no more need to read because I see pathetic things on them pages. Crimes. Crimes. Crimes. Man, it's painful. Have you ever had this feeling when you see an old woman, a very old woman being hit in her head in an ATM kiosk, and all you wish is you could have been there to protect her. But you are too late that you can't do it. And you feel regret. And you ended up begging on your knees praying to God that He will protect us all against severe humanity. Have you ever felt that? And you are so eager to do something about it but you don't know where to start. Have you ever felt that?
I see people walking on the street, some are holding hands while complaining about other person's fashion sense, some are holding plenty of shopping bags, some are bargaining price to buy an iPhone, some are sitting on the straicase beside the mall while showing his friend a video or something on his phone, some are having a huge gathering moment in the Starbucks but everybody is too busy looking and taping on their own smartphones but I see nobody seem to concern about the world current situation.
Realizing that I'm standing on the real stage has made me feel like I'm living in the world that certainly out of my type. My hands are shaking for they are so eager to give a hand to those who need. They need love, care, help from us who have all these. Wouldn't it be beautiful if all of us can do that?
